The Atheist Omelet

Disclaimer: The following story is in no way intended to demean or trivialize the faith of atheists. Not only do I personally enjoy the privilege of living in a country founded on the idea of free thought, God Himself grants it through what church people like to call “free-will.” I understand the hyper-simplicity of the story. It is metaphorical and not intended to exhaustively explore views of causality, quantum-physics, or any other scientific or philosophical discipline. If nothing else is achieved by the story, it is my hope that by the end, you will at least consider that the atheistic view of God requires more faith than the Christian one. Now, on with the story.

egg_fkvrevKOOn a hot summer day in Georgia, a jet-black Labrador Retriever named Chance awakened from his nap to the clucking of a barnyard chicken who had ventured too close. Chance let out a loud bark and shot after the chicken with a vengeance. He was moving so fast, that the snap of the chain barely slowed him down.

The chicken clucked and flapped frantically trying to get away from the violent K-9. Using her limited wing capacity, she pushed herself as high into the air as she could and was able to clear a large rock. Just as she flew over the rock, she dropped an egg which fell onto the rock breaking perfectly in half depositing its contents on the rock as the two halves of the shell fell to either side.

Intrigued by all the ruckus, Genie the cow came to see what was happening. For a reason no one can explain, Genie chose to walk over the rock instead of around it and somehow got her utter stuck in a crevice. She pulled and pulled trying to free herself, and finally did, but as she did, she sprayed some of her milk on the egg.

It just so happened that Schrodinger the cat followed almost immediately and decided the rock was the perfect place to sharpen his claws. When he did, he mixed the egg and milk into a perfect batter. After licking his paws, he sauntered on.

Amazingly, a bird being chased by a hawk flew overhead a few seconds later. The bird had recently found a dried peppercorn and was clutching it tightly in its claws. The stress caused by the chasing hawk gave the bird unusual strength, and the little claws crushed the peppercorn at just the right time for the ground pepper to land on the egg.

Almost simultaneously a groundhog came strolling by having just emerged from a local salt mine. Just as he passed the rock, he shook himself thereby sprinkling the egg. How fortuitous that the egg batter was now salted and peppered.

The heat from the noon day soon had heated the rock and was able to cook the egg batter at just the right temperature. When the side against the rock was perfectly cooked, an unusual earthquake hit the area causing the rock to jut into the air and tilt at a seventy degree angle. The gravity combined with the angle of the rock, the surface friction, and a well-timed gust of wind just happened to cause the egg to fold over on itself. Fortunately, it landed on another heated rock below where it continued to cook until done.

When the Omelet was perfectly cooked that was yet another spectacular coincidence – a beaver wandered by. Just as he was passing the rock, Chance barked causing the beaver to turn quickly. When he did, his flat tail slid perfectly between the rock and the egg. Startled by the development and the heat from the rock and the egg, the beaver flipped his tail causing the omelet to sail at a perfect arc through the air until it landed perfectly in a plate sitting on a nearby picnic table.

And that is how the first Omelet came to exist.

I will leave it up to you to figure out the origins of the dog, chicken, cow, cat, bird, hawk, groundhog, beaver, rock, peppercorn, salt, etc.

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